Has there ever been something in your life that you wanted so badly that you could literally taste it, and the closer you got to obtaining it the more you began to salivate and anticipate the ultimate thrill of what it would actually feel like to savor the victory of obtaining the object of your affection?
And then just as you finally wrapped your hands around whatever it was that you'd spent so much time pursuing, the only thing you felt was...nothing. Not to say that you weren't happy to have achieved your goal, but the feeling was nothing like you thought it would be. No fireworks, no explosions, no tingle...just nothing.
I can't say that this has happened to me very often but when it did I found that in most cases that, for me, most of the thrill was in the chase. I've always been the type of person who loves a challenge. If you dangle that cake in front of my face and tell me that I can't have it then you just better know in the back of your mind that I'm coming for it...full speed ahead.
I used to wonder if that particular trait was a strength or weakness for me. Now that I sit and really think about I would have to say that it's a little bit of both. Is it classified drive, obstinance, or both?
I have aspired to do many things in my life and I can honestly say that I have accomplished a good number of them, by the grace of God. And now that the goals have been reached or I'm lingering somewhere in the middle, I find myself wondering what was it all for?
I'm not ungrateful and I'm not proud...I just wonder. Always wondering what my next thrill chase or mountain climb is going to be.
I have honestly discovered that my true gratification comes from the simplest things: watching my children grow, spending quiet time with my husband, and marveling at the things that God has been revealing to me through His Word. Don't get me wrong...I am very grateful for all of my blessings and take nothing for granted, but I am happy that I am finally learning to see the bigger picture.
Maybe I'm just rambling on this one but I really do wonder about this kind of stuff sometimes. Does this ever happen to you? If it does I would love to hear about it.