Ode to a Good Man- A True Love Story

I have to start this story off by asking the question: Do you believe in love at first sight? I do. I do because I have experienced it first hand. I met my soul mate one day in August and two weeks after we exchanged our first "hello" we were talking about getting married.

I reflected on that as I sat in my bathroom at the age of 18 anxiously counting down the torturous 3 minute time period it would take to see if the tiny little strip on the pregnancy test would let me off the hook by showing the negative sign, or seal my fate by displaying the dreaded positive sign. My heart seemed like it was going to jump right out of my chest.

As the seconds ticked away a million thoughts ran through my mind: What would I do if I was? What would he say? What would my parents say? And worst of all, what if he turned his back on me and I ended up having to do this alone?

By the time I had finished running through all the scenarios, my 3 minutes were up and sure enough there it was as big and bold as ever...a blue plus sign. Then three more pregnancy tests later there was still a big fat blue plus sign. There was no getting around it, I was pregnant by the man I had fallen in love with after only few months.

So, being the super control freak that I am and hating to have unknown variables in my life I decided to tell him and my parents immediately and get it over with. After all, what was done was done so I may well go ahead and get it over with.

After crying a river in my parents' bathroom, I pulled myself together and went over to his house and sat him down to tell him the news. Much to my surprise, a smile lit up his face and he immediately held me and told me that he was going to be there for me no matter what and not to worry about anything. He then asked if I had told my parents and I told him that I had not.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked. I told him no. I didn't think it would be a good idea for him to be there when I told my father, as you could imagine, he wasn't going to be too happy about his 18 year old daughter being knocked up by some guy she'd just met.

Needless to say that after I told my parents, my father reacted just as I expected. But the deed was done and there was nothing more I could do so I went to work in hopes that maybe time would fast forward him from being angry and disappointed to loving his little girl again.

As the hours went painfully by at work, I could hardly concentrate as I tried to figure out how I was going to deal with the situation at hand and before I knew it, it was time to go home. When I got there, much to my surprise even though his car was in the shop, he was sitting in the study talking to my father.

This man, my man, had jumped on his bike and rode the distance while I was at work to come and sit face-to-face and man-to-man to talk to my dad about his intentions for our child and our future. I was overwhelmed. Right then and there I knew that even though I didn't deserve it, God had blessed me with a good man.

From there we decided to move in together because I felt that it would be best for me to leave my parents home. As a young couple we got to know each other not only as lovers, but as people and ultimately best friends.

With a sense of urgency toward becoming a father, he immediately sought to secure a job with benefits and as a result had to forfeit his college basketball scholarship. He never once complained and he always made sure that I was comfortable and provided for.

Before we knew it the holidays were right around the corner. Our new life together was going extremely well and we grew to love each other more and more everyday. Then one day while we were out, he turned down a dark dirt road out in a countryfied area and proceeded to drive toward an area I had never seen before. As we approached some dark forbidding farmland I started feeling like I was being dragged into a scene from a bad horror film.

Just as he pulled into a wooded area and put the car in park, I frantically began looking out the window to survey my surroundings and off in the distance I could see a white sheet blowing in the wind. With the darkness having set in, with no street lights and bare trees at the end of November, you could only imagine what the scene looked like. Needless to say that by this time, I was getting a little scared and I demanded that he take us back out to the main road.

He just looked at me and laughed and said, "Let's go see what that is blowing in the wind." I said, "Are you crazy? We're on someone else's property, that could be some KKK mess or something!" And he just laughed and continued driving toward the sheet that was blowing in the wind.

So now I'm mad and frantically trying to figure out if I'm going to jump out of the car or what and he stops directly in front of the sheet which I'm starting to notice has some writing on it. I look a little harder to see what it says and spray painted on this sheet in the middle of nowhere are the words "Will You Marry Me".


By the time I finish reading and turn to him, I see that he is holding a box with an engagement ring in it with a smile on his handsome face and he said, "Janaya, will you marry me?"

That was 14 years ago and today I am still happily married to that man. The man who has always made me feel like a queen. The man who has always been a loving father to our children. The man who supports and encourages me in everything that I do. The God-fearing man that I will gladly follow where ever he leads. The man that I thank God for everyday and proudly call my husband.

There is so much negativity circulating in the media about men, relationships and everything in between that I just felt like putting something positive in the universe.

Ladies, good men do still exist. We just have to learn to recognize them when they are right in front of us. All too often we let them go or pass them by because of some flashy, fast-talking, charismatic disappointment that has the ability to get all up in our heads.

I'm not saying that my story is typical or that young girls should go out and try to get pregnant at a young age, rather I just felt like sharing the story of a man who made a conscious decision to step up and take care of his responsibility.

A man who I have been blessed to have been given the privilege of spending my life with and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

This is my ode to a good man...my man. I love you Rockey.

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Poetic Jusitce: Congrats to Elin Nordegren-Woods

I'm going to start by saying that I know that I'm going to get a lot of flack from the fellas for this one but...so be it.

Recently, reports surfaced stating that Elin Nordegren-Woods (the estranged soon-to-be ex-wife of golf star Tiger Woods) would be receiving a $750 million divorce settlement. After this announcement was made people went on the nut on both sides of the fence arguing about why this woman should or should not receive that amount of money.

Well, here's my take on it: she deserves every penny of whatever she ends up getting.

 

 So what if Elin never swung a golf club other than to allegedly break out the windows of Tigers vehicle when she found out about his affairs. When that man stood before God and the rest of the world to take that woman as his lawfully wedded wife, he made a commitment. And that commitment was meant to be honored until death do them part.

I get really tired of hearing men make excuses for the men who get caught up in these situations by saying things like: Women go after high profile men so what does she expect? It's the nature of a man to want to conquer as many women as possible. Or, and this is the one I hate the most, maybe he has a sexual addiction.

Well let me just tell you that is just a heaping helping of a bunch of crap on top of crap. There is no excuse for a MARRIED man, or woman, to cheat and I applaud Elin for being strong enough to walk away with her head held high. All too often these things happen and women will overlook it just because society says that this is what men are supposed to do.  Kiss my grits with that mess!

If a person feels that they still have "wild oats" to sow, then that person should NOT get married; plain and simple. It is selfish to expect someone else to be understanding just because you want to have your cake and eat it too. Every marriage has it's ups and downs, but that's called being in a relationship. If you are unhappy with your current circumstances, be man or woman enough to go to your spouse and talk about it. If the problems can't be worked out, you don't just get to cheat, you seek any other alternative possible to try to work those problems out. That's what marriage is about. Nobody ever said it was easy!

So in this situation, and situations like these, it seems like the only thing that really truly gets these guys' attention is when you hit them where it really hurts: in their pockets. While the money won't take away the pain and humiliation that was suffered from the infidelity, it goes a long way for soothing it.

So fellas, whether she walks away with $100 or $750 million, don't hate on Elin.  Rather you should pull your boy by the coattails and tell him to take note so that it doesn't happen to him.  Next time tell him to ask himself: Is the jump-off really worth losing half? I tend to think not.

But then again, I'm just a woman. But you better believe that if my hubby messes up, I'm not just going to try to take half and I ain't lying...just read one of my books. :-)

 Anyhoo, until next time...keep it in your pants and you won't have these types of problems.

Holla!


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2010 BET Awards: A Step in the Right Direction...Sort of

Well, I know I'm a little late posting this but for those who watched the BET Awards the other night, I think it would be fair to say that they definitely stepped it up from last year's debacle.

For those who didn't see it...don't worry you didn't miss a whole lot.


Sure, Queen Latifah pretty much came out of the closet, Keyshia Cole butchered BoB's Airplanes, Monica looked like she was going to fly away (though she sang beautifully), Trey Songz murderlized Prince's song, Alicia Keys gave us all a baby scare when she recklessly climbed up on the piano during her performance, Patti came out of her shoes yet again and Prince look like he wanted to backhand each and every one of his tribute performers, but overall it was a pretty decent show.

El DeBarge's performance was priceless (all 7 of them), Chris Brown danced his way back into everybody's heart with is touching MJ tribute and subsequent breakdown, and BET did a great thing by honoring regular people who are doing great things in the community.

 
So all in all, we see you BET! You're trying to step it up and your efforts have not gone unnoticed. Keep working though...you still have a ways to go, but you're definitely on the right track.

Toy Story 3 Review

Woody and Buzz Lightyear are back in the third and final installment of the Disney hit mega-series, Toy Story 3.

This time around Andy is all grown up and is preparing to go off to college. As he prepares himself for his transition, his mother insists that he get rid of his unused “junk” before he leaves. So naturally, the first thing she looks to him to get rid of, store, or donate are his favorite old toys that he hasn’t played with in years.

Once the toys get wind of the fact that they may be stored away in the attic, or even worse set out on the curb, they immediately begin scrambling to come up with a plan of action. One mishap and misunderstanding later, the toys find themselves in a bad situation. What ensues is an action-packed adventure that is synonymous with everything that is Toy Story.

Woody, Buzz, Jessie, Ham, Rex, Slinky Dog and Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head all find themselves in a daycare that, for all practical purposes, should be heaven for an old toy. Dazzled by the laughter of children and the colorfulness of their new surroundings, the toys find themselves being won over by the prospect of being in a place where they will never be tucked away on a shelf again. Meanwhile Woody, ever the loyal toy, tries his best to smooth everything out and convince his friends that they have to get home by trying to make them understand that Andy loves them and would never throw them away.

After deciding to try their luck at the daycare, Woody resolves to find his way back home to Andy. In the meantime, the toys quickly find out that everything is not as it seems when the head honcho, a crazed bear named Lotso, sentences them to endure toddler torture.

Without giving too much away, I have to say that this installment definitely kept me entertained. It had excitement, comedy and even a few touching moments; not to mention that the interaction between Ken and Barbie was hilarious. Tom Hanks and Tim Allen have a great chemistry with their respective characters, and the supporting cast did much to add to the Toy Story 3 experience.

Overall, I give Toy Story 3 a very enthusiastic ten spirit-fingers! It’s a great movie that the entire family can enjoy together. And now days with all the questionable things that surround much of the subject matter that you seen in movies, that’s saying a lot.

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Parents: Get Involved or Go to Jail?

Recently, Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy announced that she is pushing for a proposal that would force parents to become more active in their children's school lives by requiring them to attend parent-teacher conferences under the threat of  fines or jail time for failing to do so.

Her thought behind this is that if more parents are forced to get involved in their kids' education then maybe they will take a more active role in helping teachers be more successful in reaching their children and at the same time hoping that more parental involvement will curb juvenile violence and truancy.

Worthy's efforts on this matter have been met with a bevy of mixed emotions, and rightly so. On one hand, I completely agree with her thought process about parents needing to get more involved in the lives of their children, especially where education is concerned.  But on the other hand, I would have to say that putting people in jail for a lack of parenting skills is a little bass-ackward.

Though her heart is undoubtedly in the right place, one would have to wonder if Worthy really thought out the entire laundry list of pros and cons of what she is proposing. For instance, if a parent is brought up on charges for missing conferences, what good is it going to do the child if that parent is then thrown in jail? That reaction only compounds the problems by leaving another child in the system if there are no family members who are willing to step in.  On top of that the child now has to deal with an absent parent on top of everything else, and society has to foot the bill for yet another inmate.

But the biggest part of this piece is that you can't force someone to care. You can fine them and threaten them with the harshest punishments you can think of but at the end of the day, will that really make them care more about their kids then they do already?

While it is a no-brainer that parents obviously need to take more stock in the lives of their children, it really doesn't seem like jail time is a viable option for something like missing parent-teacher conferences. Our jail and prison systems are already overflowing with mothers and fathers who need to be at home raising their children.

So in essence, the remedy is not jail time; the remedy would be to address and modify the behavior. Maybe employers could be enlisted to make provisions for parents who need to leave work to attend parent-teacher conferences by granting time off to attend and then requiring a note from the school to verify that the parent attended. Or maybe perhaps instituting incentives for parents to come to conferences or fun incentives for them when their kids make honor roll status. Not that anyone should be paid to raise their kids, but free movie tickets would be a lot cheaper than housing them in jail for 24 hours a day for X amount of days. Just some food for thought.

I don't fault Kym Worthy for coming up with an idea, I just think that in this case the end doesn't justify the means. So let's go back to the drawing board on this one and see what else we can come up with.

What do you think?

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The Karate Kid Review

The Karate Kid is back with a vengeance! The 2010 remake of the original pop culture classic of the same name from 1984 that starred Ralph Macchio and the late Pat Morita, turned out to not be a disappointment.

Dre Parker, played by Jaden Smith, is forced leave everything he has ever known behind when his mother Sherry’s, played by Taraji P. Henson, job is transferred overseas to China. While he tries his best to be a good sport for his mother and give their new living situation a fair shot, all bets are off when he starts getting terrorized by bullies at his new school.

In the midst of ducking and dodging his middle school kung-fu master tormentors, he manages to find a friend in a young girl name Meiying (who just happens to be the object of affection of his main adversary), and an unlikely ally in the seemingly aloof maintenance man, Mr. Han, played by Jackie Chan.

If you’ve ever seen a Karate Kid movie, you pretty much know how the plot plays out from there.

In this rendition of the movie I have to give major props to young Jaden Smith. That young man did a phenomenal job in this movie. I can’t even begin to imagine the type of training he had to go through to prepare for this role. His training scenes were well portrayed and realistic, his acting was believable, and his fight scenes were very well executed.

And then to take into account the amount of dedication he had to have to see the project through to the end. Sure, super star mom and dad Jada and Will’s guidance had probably had a lot to do with it, but at the end of the day it was up to Jaden to get the job done.

Jackie Chan also gets a major kudo for his role in this project. While we already know that Chan is a masterful martial arts craftsman, he showed a whole different facet to his acting ability in this film. I have to admit that a shed more than a few mommy tears during this one.

So overall, The Karate Kid gets an enthusiastic ten spirit-fingers. This is a feel good movie with more than a few morally wholesome messages that the entire family will enjoy.

Usher's New Look

Check out my recent round table interview with Usher Raymond as seen in the Michigan FrontPage!


Usher’s New Look
By Janaya Black


After a harrowing year of divorce and media-frenzy, GRAMMY award-winning artist Usher Raymond has been flying high on the wings of all that is celebratory after topping the Billboard charts with his newest album release, Raymond Vs. Raymond, and the feeling of accomplishment in the midst of the successful launch and continuation of his New Look Foundation for kids.

During a brief stop in Detroit for the 12th Annual Ford Freedom Awards, where he was named “The Dream Maker” in recognition for all of his outstanding achievement and philanthropy, the FrontPage got a chance to sit down with Usher to find out more about his “new look” and what it means to carry the title of being a “dream maker”.


FrontPage: What do you say to young people to let them know that they can and should aspire to do something other than being an entertainer, actor or athlete?

Usher: Well, my being here is a sense of dedication to something and that’s really what I hope to convey to them, that if there’s something your passionate about you should be willing to spend the time and be patient in dealing with whatever it maybe. This is hard work and a lot of times when kids are able to find motivation in what they seek, they understand better as a result of physically being able to see something. Most of the kids who are inspired are inspired by looking at the television seeing the basketball players fly down the court, or either turning on the television looking at a video, or looking at a red carpet interview or whatever it may be. I just hope to speak to them in a way of simply planting a seed today for a harvest, not quick, but one that will speak to who they ultimately want to be.


FP: Is there a correlation between what you’re saying now and the comments you reportedly made about American Idol and leap-frogging into success?

Usher: Well, often sensationalism has given us the perception that things are one way; that things are easy to come by. As I said, them being able to physically see the hard work that goes into what we do as philanthropists and what we do as artists, they don’t get a chance to come behind the scenes. But at least I can talk to them about it, answer questions and show some sense of patience.

Just to speak to the comments that were quoted in the media about me and my opinion of American Idol, I, like some other people, was of the opinion that American Idol was not the real thing. [It] was a quick fix. You look at television and you see that an artist is on television [you think] they can make it over night. It doesn’t happen that way. That’s why I was honored to be able to mentor kids, and not just kids but young adults, and show them aspects of mastering the game, of mastering this industry, and understanding the nuances that come with being an entertainer. It’s not just walk on the stage and sing and that’s it. You really have to understand stage presence. You have to understand how to connect and identify with the audience that you’re playing to, how to connect through music, through melody, through passion…that’s the heart of things that you don’t get to see through reality TV.

FP: What was your incentive behind launching an organization to educate youth about the entertainment and sports?

Usher: Well, I am the DNA for what I’ve created. As a result of having this incredible story that started from entertainment that really started from a dream, then passion and then success in music, and then a business man, and then a philanthropist and entrepreneur. To begin to engage them in that way, I feel like I’m speaking to the same kid who was 6-years-old who said, “I want to do that!” Well, here are the tools that you need in order to succeed in becoming that.

FP: Being as young as you are, how does it make you feel to be given the title “The Dream Maker”?

Usher: I love that. To be a dream maker or someone to help kids catch up to their dreams or be able to help them begin to shape these dreams into reality is, as I said, what I am. I’m a living product of it, so they can do it as well. This is part of the reason that with this 501(c) 3 that I’ve decided to go and mentor the least likely to be heard, because there lies some of the greatest most difficult, complicated stories that you have to deal with but yet they’re the most likely to succeed if you just give them the opportunity for their voice to be heard.


FP: What do you tell kids to do when it’s hard to believe?

Usher: That with the good comes the bad in life; there are high peaks and low valleys. But one thing that I told the kids as an entrepreneur, the first thing you’ve got to do is have a dream. Align yourself to your passion, create a plan and know that there will be high peaks and low valleys. Don’t stray from it if this is something that you are truly connected to and passionate about.

FP: How do you encourage young people to get involved in service?

Usher: I too am a believer that service makes a difference. The sheer statistics here in Detroit where we had an I Can’t But You Can campaign, where we allowed the kids through service to mentor adults about the voting process. The one thing President Barack Obama asked me personally was to educate our youth and give them a voice about understanding the voter campaign. So we decided to do something that would allow them to understand and that they could also be passionate about. Obviously, this president would impact their lives, so we gave them a voice through service to make a difference.

FP: What advice do you give to Justin Bieber?

Usher: Justin is a whole different story. This is a kid who, with the support of his mother, was daring enough to believe that someday all of his hard work of teaching himself single handedly to play drums, having gotten familiar with how to play piano and guitar, and listen to the radio and lean the lyrics and go out and sing about it and put it online…that right there was just unique in itself, which is why I wanted to be involved with the maturing of who he is and who he would become. The one thing that I always tell him and anybody is don’t be short-sighted. You have to understand that life is long and the story that is told then it of peaks and low valleys. Enjoy the high peaks but understand and appreciate the low valleys.


FP: How does it feel to be honored for something outside of music?


Usher: It’s right on time that in some way while you’re doing other good work, shall I say God work, things are getting taken care of.

For more information about Usher’s New Look Foundation, please visit www.ushersnewlook.org. 

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