Ode to a Good Man- A True Love Story

I have to start this story off by asking the question: Do you believe in love at first sight? I do. I do because I have experienced it first hand. I met my soul mate one day in August and two weeks after we exchanged our first "hello" we were talking about getting married.

I reflected on that as I sat in my bathroom at the age of 18 anxiously counting down the torturous 3 minute time period it would take to see if the tiny little strip on the pregnancy test would let me off the hook by showing the negative sign, or seal my fate by displaying the dreaded positive sign. My heart seemed like it was going to jump right out of my chest.

As the seconds ticked away a million thoughts ran through my mind: What would I do if I was? What would he say? What would my parents say? And worst of all, what if he turned his back on me and I ended up having to do this alone?

By the time I had finished running through all the scenarios, my 3 minutes were up and sure enough there it was as big and bold as ever...a blue plus sign. Then three more pregnancy tests later there was still a big fat blue plus sign. There was no getting around it, I was pregnant by the man I had fallen in love with after only few months.

So, being the super control freak that I am and hating to have unknown variables in my life I decided to tell him and my parents immediately and get it over with. After all, what was done was done so I may well go ahead and get it over with.

After crying a river in my parents' bathroom, I pulled myself together and went over to his house and sat him down to tell him the news. Much to my surprise, a smile lit up his face and he immediately held me and told me that he was going to be there for me no matter what and not to worry about anything. He then asked if I had told my parents and I told him that I had not.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked. I told him no. I didn't think it would be a good idea for him to be there when I told my father, as you could imagine, he wasn't going to be too happy about his 18 year old daughter being knocked up by some guy she'd just met.

Needless to say that after I told my parents, my father reacted just as I expected. But the deed was done and there was nothing more I could do so I went to work in hopes that maybe time would fast forward him from being angry and disappointed to loving his little girl again.

As the hours went painfully by at work, I could hardly concentrate as I tried to figure out how I was going to deal with the situation at hand and before I knew it, it was time to go home. When I got there, much to my surprise even though his car was in the shop, he was sitting in the study talking to my father.

This man, my man, had jumped on his bike and rode the distance while I was at work to come and sit face-to-face and man-to-man to talk to my dad about his intentions for our child and our future. I was overwhelmed. Right then and there I knew that even though I didn't deserve it, God had blessed me with a good man.

From there we decided to move in together because I felt that it would be best for me to leave my parents home. As a young couple we got to know each other not only as lovers, but as people and ultimately best friends.

With a sense of urgency toward becoming a father, he immediately sought to secure a job with benefits and as a result had to forfeit his college basketball scholarship. He never once complained and he always made sure that I was comfortable and provided for.

Before we knew it the holidays were right around the corner. Our new life together was going extremely well and we grew to love each other more and more everyday. Then one day while we were out, he turned down a dark dirt road out in a countryfied area and proceeded to drive toward an area I had never seen before. As we approached some dark forbidding farmland I started feeling like I was being dragged into a scene from a bad horror film.

Just as he pulled into a wooded area and put the car in park, I frantically began looking out the window to survey my surroundings and off in the distance I could see a white sheet blowing in the wind. With the darkness having set in, with no street lights and bare trees at the end of November, you could only imagine what the scene looked like. Needless to say that by this time, I was getting a little scared and I demanded that he take us back out to the main road.

He just looked at me and laughed and said, "Let's go see what that is blowing in the wind." I said, "Are you crazy? We're on someone else's property, that could be some KKK mess or something!" And he just laughed and continued driving toward the sheet that was blowing in the wind.

So now I'm mad and frantically trying to figure out if I'm going to jump out of the car or what and he stops directly in front of the sheet which I'm starting to notice has some writing on it. I look a little harder to see what it says and spray painted on this sheet in the middle of nowhere are the words "Will You Marry Me".


By the time I finish reading and turn to him, I see that he is holding a box with an engagement ring in it with a smile on his handsome face and he said, "Janaya, will you marry me?"

That was 14 years ago and today I am still happily married to that man. The man who has always made me feel like a queen. The man who has always been a loving father to our children. The man who supports and encourages me in everything that I do. The God-fearing man that I will gladly follow where ever he leads. The man that I thank God for everyday and proudly call my husband.

There is so much negativity circulating in the media about men, relationships and everything in between that I just felt like putting something positive in the universe.

Ladies, good men do still exist. We just have to learn to recognize them when they are right in front of us. All too often we let them go or pass them by because of some flashy, fast-talking, charismatic disappointment that has the ability to get all up in our heads.

I'm not saying that my story is typical or that young girls should go out and try to get pregnant at a young age, rather I just felt like sharing the story of a man who made a conscious decision to step up and take care of his responsibility.

A man who I have been blessed to have been given the privilege of spending my life with and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

This is my ode to a good man...my man. I love you Rockey.

www.black-smithenterprises.com
Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/janayablack

Your 5 Minute Guide to a Successful Marriage

Ok, so since I've been married for 14 years (and happily so), I feel that I have some good information to share with the masses. Not that I'm an expert, but I think that my experience could really be helpful to someone out there in cyber world.

So in keeping with my forte for keeping things short and sweet, I am going to hit on the 6 major things that I believe can make all the difference between a happy marriage and a miserable one.  Here we go:

1. Put God first- This is the most important thing that it seems like people forget the most. When couples get married they get so wrapped up in themselves and their wants and needs that they forget to invite God into their union. That's why divorce is so rampant today. When you get married you stand before a pastor and recite your vows before God and then leave Him on the doorstep until something goes wrong. If you allow Him to guide you, your relationship and your household you will find that many of the other things will fall into place.

2. Communication- Not to sound cliche, but communication is basis for every relationship; spouses, friends, family, co-workers, etc... You have to know how to effectively express yourself to other people. Especially your spouse. And communication is not just talking, it involves listening as well. After you have had your say, you then need to close your mouth and LISTEN to what the other person has to say. You may or may not like it, but the fact still remains that you need to let them express themselves so that your relationship can flourish. When couples stop communicating that gives way to a bunch of other problems.

Just remember that women are emotional and men are not mind readers- you figure it out from there.

2. Trust- This one is a no-brainer. If you and your boo don't trust each other, you're pretty much doomed from the jump. Trust is a very fragile thing and once it's been broken it's very hard to rebuild. So here's my rule of thumb for maintaining the trust factor- DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN BAD/COMPROMISING SITUATIONS!

For example, I work in the entertainment industry so I am always around people of the opposite sex. Due to that fact I never want my husband to have a reason to feel any kind of way about anything I may or may not be doing while I'm out and about, I do simple things like making sure that I answer my phone when he calls or calling just to let him know that everything's cool if I'm out late. Little considerate things like that go a long way in keeping his confidence in me. And visa versa.

4. Make time to do things together-  Life happens and people get busy, so it takes real effort to spend time together.  Set aside time everyday to spend some 1-on-1 quality time with your spouse. This will keep you from growing apart and allowing other temptations to set in.

And be open minded! Don't be afraid to try new things. Allowing your marriage to become monotonous and predictable is dangerous. Spontaneity is a good thing, don't be afraid of it. Ladies, if he asks you to do something a little more risque than usual (if it's not completely off the wall), humor him.  Who knows you may be surprised; you might like it.  Fellas, if she asks you to help clean up the house, why not lend a hand? If she's not completely exhausted at the end of the day that could only work out in your favor.  

5. Learn to value your space- As much as togetherness is important in a marriage, couples also have to have room to breathe. Having different hobbies and pastimes help keep you both from feeling smothered by each other. There is nothing wrong with having a life outside of your spouse. Learn to value your "me" time and know when it's time to come back together.

6. Understand your role- Men and women need to have a clear understanding of the role that they play in a relationship. That means, ladies, no man wants to be the female in the relationship. In this day and age we have become so independent in our lifestyles that we have forgotten how to let men be men. We need to learn how to fall back sometimes and let him do what God put him here to do: lead and take care of his family.

By the same token, fellas, no woman is going to fall in line and allow herself to be led by a weak man. And that's not to say that women are subservient and need to be led by a man to be happy, I'm just saying that deep down inside most women want a man who can make her feel like a woman by sacrificing for her happiness, working hard to take care of her and make her feel secure, and knowing when, and how, to take charge.  Chivalry is not dead.

Being that I was only 18 when I got married, I had a lot to learn about how to be in a relationship. But fortunately my husband is a great communicator (and if you know him you know I'm not lying), and he taught me a lot, and by the grace of God our journey together has translated into going on 15 years of a loving relationship.

Yes, we get on each other's nerves, but at the end of the day we love and respect each other and we value what we have in each other.  And we believe that it's worth fighting for every single day.

Marriage is not hard. It's work, but it's not hard if you're willing to put yourself aside long enough to do what's best for your relationship.

That is all for now.

www.black-smithenterprises.com
Follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/janayablack